One of the things I wish I had done before Lew died — I should have asked him if he remembered where my library card was. Maybe I’ll find it when I start going through all of his pockets. In the meantime, I got a new card.
Its been almost two years since I wrote about making Lew’s arrangements. (If you don’t remember, you can click here to go back to it.) I didn’t get around to actually doing something until probably a year later. I’m really glad that I went ahead and prepaid for everything. When Lew died, the Hospice nurse asked me if I had a preference for a funeral home. Had I not already priced funeral plans, I would have probably mentioned the funeral home in downtown Mint Hill (the most expensive of the places I had called originally). Instead, I had found a place that was reasonably priced, for what we wanted. But, by the time I finally got around to doing the paperwork, I had gotten a little confused about which funeral home did what.
A few days after Lew died, I went to the cemetery to watch as they scattered Lew’s ashes over the lake. But by then, I was quite torn about it. There was a large part of me that wanted to bring Lew’s ashes home. The weather was dreary, rain threatening. I followed their car along the winding road until we pulled in next to a building. As Benny and I walked closer, I realized that it was a mausoleum, fake flowers filling brackets attached to the niches. I had remembered incorrectly. There was no lake, only a concrete/stone/marble thing with river rocks surrounding it. They explained that Lew’s ashes would be spread around the statue and later the workers would turn the stones so Lew wouldn’t blow away.
I don’t believe that Lew is contained within those ashes. But, just in case, I didn’t think he’d enjoy looking at the mausoleum, with its fake flowers, for eternity. And, besides, if I ever decided that I wanted to visit him . . . I practically snatched the plastic bag from her hands. I turned down the offer of selecting an urn. I figured he’d find a little humor in the plastic bag. I littered the park with part of Lew. The rest of him is around the peach tree just outside the dining room windows.
I never did get around to writing Lew’s obit and I was totally dissatisfied with the “freebie” the funeral home put in the paper. I asked a friend to help me write a better obit. It would have been much easier if I had done it before Lew died.
I wish I had made up a telephone tree before Lew died. It would have been so much easier if I had to tell only one person. People were so very kind to offer to make phone calls for me, so it got easier.
I wish I had made up a list of places that needed official notification. I doubt that I’ve made all the calls that are necessary and expect that I’ll be dumbfounded that they keep cropping up many months from now.
Remember my story about Lew’s life insurance (here’s the link to it) and how they wanted me to cash it out? Well, when I felt calm and collected (and not about to sob) enough to make the phone call . . . The phone number I had for the insurance agent wasn’t any good! Eek! Ya think I should have taken the cash? Fortunately, the people who answered the phone were very kind. The had the phone number and called the agent for me. The paperwork is in progress and hopefully, there won’t be any more stumbling blocks ahead.
I wish I had thought about all of our bills and had everything put in both of our names — especially the utilities. In order to change the name on the account, the water company has to schedule a “move in” day. The phone company wants to be sure that I understand that I will be responsible for all the charges made on the phone (duh!). The electric company had to check my credit report and decide if I needed to put down a deposit. Time Warner Cable (note that I’m naming names!) took the cake. In order to change the name on the account, I have to go in person to “the nearest payment center along with a valid identity proof and a copy of your husband’s death certificate”. (If they want to try to collect from a dead man . . .) My advice to every couple out there — get both of your names on all of your accounts.
Amazingly, the DMV was about the easiest to deal with. They asked for an official copy of the death certificate and a copy of his driver’s license and provided a mailing address. (Speaking of the DMV, I called them to make sure that they had gotten the forms from my doctor. They had. Well, almost. They were still waiting on the forms from my eye doctor. Huh? So, because I wear glasses instead of contacts, I have to pay an eye doctor to fill out another set of forms saying I see well enough to drive? Well, no. Supposedly, that has been corrected in my records. I should hear from them in “six to eight weeks” if I can continue driving.)
Oh! Almost forgot. Lew got a letter from the bank saying that since he’s dead they’ve returned his social security check. I’m sure he appreciates knowing that.
And, if you are making a list of places that need notification — don’t forget the three national credit-reporting companies: TransUnion, Equifax and Experian. Snail mail them an official copy of the death certificate and a photocopy of the social security card.
Now, if only I can get his prescription drug insurance company to stop the automated phone calls asking if he has another form of insurance . . .
I’m doing okay. Starting to tidy up. Threw away Lew’s teeth almost immediately. I never understood why he had to keep them in a coffee mug on the kitchen counter. Took me another two weeks to toss his toothbrush. I’ve got a big garbage can lined and ready for whatever. His flip flops were the first in. His tidy-whiteys where next. I’ll probably start folding his clothes soon. I’m thinking his coats, etc. may be going to the homeless shelter. Anybody out there volunteer with an organization that can put his stuff to good use?