I told my gynecologic oncologist that I’m not strong enough to go through what Lew went through. “If the ovarian cyst turns out to be cancer, just refer me to Hospice and we’re done.”
My regular gynecologist wanted to take it out. Fortunately, the oncologist understood and said we could talk about surgery later. The cyst is now about three inches. We’ll rescan it in a couple of months to get an idea of about how fast its growing. Since there isn’t an accurate test for early ovarian cancer and since I’ve got a bad history for colon cancer (they’re related) we’ll be doing genetic testing. If I have the genetic marker for colon cancer . . .
I’m struggling with depression. Having to force myself to go for drive-thru groceries or run errands. I had to ask to be rescued three times last week — had to call a neighbor to dig me out of the mud hole I had dug myself into, called AAA to change the tire that had a screw in it, and, well . . . you get the picture. I can’t take care of myself pity-party. I turned 60 today. I’m withdrawing from my friends — even making up reasons to be mad at them. I’m not returning calls.
At times, I seem to go in the other direction. I’ve started baking bread so I’ll have something to beat. I highly recommend it. I began thinking about going to a dog conference in NYC in a couple of weeks. How’s that for brain dead? Going north in February?! And last minute plans? And I haven’t flown since I’ve been full time in a wheelchair!
Social Security Disability finally called me after total silence for six months. My paperwork is now too old to process, we have to start over. But since my disability claim is pending, it complicates the process of completing the paperwork for widow’s benefits.
I’m angry.
Responses to “Here We Go Again”
January 29th, 2010 at 10:41 am
Glad you have surfaced. Been holding my breath waiting for you. Thanks for anwering Cathy’s email. Dr. put Kevin on crutches. Paul spent 8 days in hospital. Cathy found an operation that has a 80% recovery rate. Done in Charleston. We will see if Dr. will refer. If you are 60 this year then am 70. Loving you Amy
January 27th, 2010 at 8:52 am
OK – I’ll give ‘angry’ to you!! All that you have been through, or will go through – you deserve to be ‘angry’!
It’s the part about shuting out your ‘Friends’ I don’t understand. You wrote about a ‘New Start’ on Sept. 15th and a bit about Ernie. Well what happened to Ernie? Ah …. not returning phone calls, I wonder how long before you pull the plug out of the wall from the ringing? Or just cut the ringer off. There of course is still the US Mail, oh Heck – what am I saying… :>)
Just remember your ‘Family’ yep the Ham Radio one. We have been missing you on the Nets. We did miss you at the Christmas Party. And we sure have been missing you at the Meetings. So I guess we all just come over and have a group hug! Enjoy life as much as you can, even through Hospice. And even more we need to ‘enjoy’ you, for our sake!! You have my email address, the cell is ###-###-#### which you should have had already. And the US Mail Address you can look up on QRZ.com – so now – don’t be a stranger!! Luv ya, mean it!! Jeff KA4WYC